"i want my movie to be beautiful, not realistic".

last night i was riding the 10 hastings bus. how can i live in this city, at this time and not talk about the olympics? so i was riding the bus along the 'notorious' downtown east side. this is no special event, i ride this bus everyday. however, last night a homeless man comes and sits down beside me, opens up his hand revels a lump of white crystal rocks and casually taps his crack into his crack carrying case. routine. hastings is crawling with the infamous west coast homeless, they own that strip of land personifying squatters rights to the max. run ins with these characters are unavoidable.

this week the olympics has rolled into town and i am discovering beef with my new dream city. my friend is doing her masters in economics and her professors at SFU are working with this 'situation' right now. of course they are all outraged. i spent the afternoon reading an angry economists blog ranting about the cash buy-in associated with a world event like the olympics. however he manages to pin point the problem perfectly. the biggest change i have noticed is the MASSIVE security lock down, cops are everywhere. this city just spent millions of dollars to 'protect' guests from all over the world from us. so i am feeling the sting of middle class world citizen. i am not dangerous, i am simply excluded [because i cant afford a $2000 ticket] and then tended out of the way with the rest of this city's residents.

i mean i am not foolish, i know the cop crack down is for my fore mentioned rock carrying homeless bus companion. but the over sized aboriginal posters boasting the slogan 'songs, community, shopping' and directing the viewer to the bay [for all my olympic needs] is certainly for me. coke has sponsored a huge canadian maple leaf prominently at the mouth of the city. as i enter downtown for work i am greeted by this over sized canadian red coke banner. hmmm. lillehammer, norway; colors white and red. then beijing, china; again red and now vancouver, canada another a red and white nation for coke to adopt, slap a morality make over on and then dress in its event appropriate slogan. we are coke red and white and we are welcoming the world.

so, i am excited. the worlds rich and privileged are descending upon my city. they will be swarming my charming cafe, cluttering my public transit and 'celebrating' my economy by shopping at none of the local stores and all of the corporate ones. i can only relate this to the pope john paul's [the second] 2002 world youth day in Toronto. it was a traveling caravan of complete craziness, and now that same stink is settling all over my beautiful ocean side life. but isn't this the stage for a fantasy of types? the scene in some over dramatized alterna-chick flick where the heroine captures the beautiful honesty of a dangerous and touchy situation. maybe i am using the olympic madness to illustrate an over saturated opinion and capitalize in my own small way on the world money making machine. i guess you will just have to stay tuned until after the commercial break. i might have something new to say, but chances are all the information was in the trailer and i am just going to string you along by rewording the same thing again and again until i finally sound like news. swarm in with your media tents and leave me some splendid decay. capitalism exploits itself, and my trigger finger is itching.

Virginia Echeverria

look at this because it is amazing. >> here

radim pesko.

amsterdam-based designer-cum-photographer radim peško has now launched his own digital type foundry. i just had the best time ever playing with it.
look >>

i guess i am collecting signage.

new fashion inspiration >> RUTH FISHER

only i want to be ruth fisher in cabaret boots and hermione granger hair.

more cell phone moments.

shes like the wind.

last night i went to the ocean. lauren just got back home to vancouver from toronto, our old home, our old friends. i want to die. i guess you can say i am missing home. strange. everyday i learn more and more about myself [my well documented search for personal discovery and love] perhaps because wallowing in myself seems to be my business. lauren makes a pretty good business about her self and i guess thats why we are friends. neither one of us is going to give up until we get what we want. obviously we have become besties. so last night we went to the ocean.

earlier me and lauren are looking up our love match if we dated each other on the internet. [also know as: friend dating], who are we in love? we are beyonce [lauren] and jay-z [me]. i love this, there is something in this discovery. lauren [virgin/mother] and me [infant/freedom] were released from the bonds of 'awkward new friend stage' in to the kind of friend ship that created the best pop hip hop song of all time [crazy in love!]. we are now balling, f'r rail. lauren is on the basketball team, i worry a lot about my 'coolness' on the internet, we have now arrived.

we also have to get out of the city, right now. vancouver is 20 minuets away from something amazing any direction, any where in the city. so we go to the beach, 2 girls from ontario want to see the beach, right now. last week i asked to find home, i said the words, i wrote the words and i, for the first time, clicked my heels together and squeezed my eyes shut, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. there's no place like home! running your fingers through the ocean has this strangely calming affect.

we end up at first beach, my other friends call it 'industrial beach' but me and lauren know it is certainly NOT an industrial beach [cherry beach]. we know that the lights from grandville island make the midnight clouds pink and the deep black of the ocean sky is enchanting and the soft lapping of the waves are warm and nice to the touch. they call it 'industrial beach' because it is the only beach [in the city] where you are not surrounded by trees and can still see the structured buildings behind. but this is the beach i have been looking for all my life, i mean this beach is perfect [you know what im saying dan?]. the hippie lights of a pink city lick the clouds that loom over the never ending danger that is the ocean. i have never felt this way. dear vancouver, you put a spell on me because im yours. you dont care if i want you, but i am yours, yours. yours! i am awake and i think i just made it all better. [scared]

i want these boots >>

cabaret boots! with a little heel and harsh black button holes and thick laces and sexy shape.
obviously i am coveting a long black leg look. black legs for life.

the rock n' roll search for love continues.

cell phone photos

i feel like cell phone photos are going to be my new polaroids.

la hire.

last night me and kelly had an adventure. we have this lovely friendship where nothing ever gets accomplished as planned, but we have a great time walking all over the city. its actually the best.
so anyhow, we are walking last night in strathcona, its late, past one and the moon is dramatically leering over our heads. we are smoking kelly's hand rolled cigarette concoction [tobacco leaf/lavender/cat nip and thyme]. its epic.
all of a sudden and for no reason at all we come across a scattered deck of cards. of course i cant see the whole deck because i am fixed on the jack of hearts. its in my hand, i am all over it. it is actually not until kelly points out that there is a whole deck that i notice a nine of hearts or an eight of diamonds, it doesnt matter the jack is in my bag.

i am collecting playing cards for my friend jill. she is back in toronto and we are trying to send each other a whole [found] deck. it is part of our correspondence. but i am transfixed on my singularity. what is the significance of my card? [who cares right/but i am superstitious and i cant help it] my sister sarah is always telling me that i read to far into things and that i am connecting scenarios that are unrelated in my constant search for understanding, which she sees as pointless all together.

so i ask google the grand master of information. wikipedia says that the jack was made in the image of Étienne de Vignolles, a french revolutionary general who that fought along side Joan of Arc, nick named La Hire. his name remains a byword for a choleric disposition. 'mirror, mirror on my desk tell me more, choleric personality?' and there it is. i am swimming in a world of my own strengths and weaknesses. choleric's [not a word?] are passionate, easily angered, dominating, terminally optimistic, extroverted, doer, COMPULSIVE NEED FOR CHANGE [!] independent and an insufferable know it all. shit.

i was worried the jack was a symbol for my passionate charge into romantic scenarios, instead it paints this picture of me as a general trampling my way to the things i want. no need for friendships? terminally independent? can this be me, but so much of it fits [compulsive need for change] i am swimming with thought. i am jacks crazy pituitary gland ransacking my apartment for answers in all my other belongings. i dont have to look very far, i am reading lermontrov's 'a hero of our time'. see also romanic hero, byronic hero, romanticism and tragic hero. another general. a lone dude who fights, loves and who's self destruction stems from boredom. he dies tragically because his life is a joke for melodrama and skirt chasing.

maybe i dont chase skirts [dirty long hair boys] but i certainly understand his point of view. "I'll hazard my life, even my honor, twenty times, but I will not sell my freedom. Why do I value it so much? What am I preparing myself for? What do I expect from the future? in fact, nothing at all." brilliant. i mean, i am not a prince, a warrior, wealthy, powerful, but in my own way and in my own life i am these things in my optimistic exploration of nothing. see also self indulgent to the extreme. i jump in to find redemption only to learn i can already swim and the water is to temperate for me. so on to the next adventure that will save my soul, answer my questions and leave me happy.

" What is happiness but gratified pride?" marry me pechorin. lets ransack the country side for a life time of fun and romance and drama, i will lead you by the nose and you will keep me in line [with a stiff upper hand] every-time i act bad. we will have a russian palace made from our dreams on the side of a leering cliff, hinting always at the danger we will daily tempt. dear pechorin i am ready, lets cross paths, lets make history, lets die for no good reason, lets hate everything to avoid responsibility. lets do this, jack of hearts first.

girl goes through photography faze.

beth cavener stitcher.

beth makes sculptures.
see more >>

lets take a moment for britney.

2010. year of dreams.

last night was new years eve. YES.

i just turned on some girl talk. it seemed like the right kind of music for my year in review, lets take the best part of the worst year and make some semblance of it. lets not. i am carrie bradshaw driving away from matthew mcconahey and her movie review of relationships past. YES. but what is the point of recording the years pass, if not to take a time period into review? [uncomfortable sentence]

but lets talk future, lets talk resolutions, lets talk about the projected energy for this new decade. i am turning off girl talk.
and the fist record i put on is sounds in space, soothing light orchestral music. this year i am balance, i am temperance and i am working it out with lelaina peirce. we are moments away from selling fruit at intersections, but still hopeful and idealistic. does this mean my year comes with troy dyer drama? YES.[reality bites: pop metaphor for this year?]

sounds in space is too mellow, i have just up-graded to the billy vaughn singers 'up, up and away' we go, this shift in tempo is significant. 'we can fly!' they shout. better. i guess it is just going to have to be another year in my life. maybe i am the same. maybe i will always be the same and as much as i say i want to make 'the right' decisions, i will always follow my heart and my every little whim. I guess what i am asking from 2010 is for the right whims to be followed. [following the right whims? say whim again]

dear 2009, i asked for more and you delivered, i asked for adventure in the great wide somewhere, and it happened. but enough of that, this year can i have the power to recognize the right thing and then do it? dear 2010 if it is not too much to ask can i find home? can all these things i never saw as options become real? i got rhythm, i got music, i got dancing, who could ask for anything more. [sunshine on a rainy day?]

girl pulls up tights. M.A.B.

i found this video hidden away on my hard drive. it is tilted, filmed from a cell phone and contains the most incriminating atmospheric music, but it is a slice of 5 years ago! 2005 is all over your jock.