last night was the return to innocence. i have developed this massive superstition. this belief that destiny is real and that everything is connected and all the events of my life are leading to something. the big picture. i have been living in the big picture for most of my life. but last night i returned to innocence. During my morning internet search I find an art professors life affirming statement. She says "The current landscape of art is now confronted with what to do with all this overstock of irony, banality, and dumbness. How do we find meaning, and what do we do when we find it?" we return to innocence.
i think secretly I have been ranting about this forever. i never felt like i belonged to the post modern 'stupid because I say it is interesting' movement and being in art school during the late 90's almost bread a certain careless heart into my work. but last night i went to the academy duello, a real life 21st century sword fighting school. they had their annual galla, me and east coast pal lynne stone said yes. we watched the knights practice. they flowed from one form to another eyes hopeful and fierce, sword master calling out first in latin, then in italian and finally in english. i was destroyed with romanticism. how convenient, i went to a knight show and i long to write about the idealistic nature of life.
some people say the recession has called an end to paris hilton and pop culture and stupidity. they say we dont have time for this anymore. but give up our gods? i dont think so, and from the bottom of my romantic heart i claim that these things will be spun into our web of hopeful future endeavors. i mean the first revolution was a direct reaction to the lose of our gods, the lose of nature and the industrial/science take over. history has taught us that if you take it away, our beliefs, we will build large academy's dedicated to out dated fighting techniques of our european ancestor's and paint pictures of lady gwenevere sailing into avalon. we need the release.
but here's the point. as i get older i realize that the only form of art that interests me is honesty. i want to validate the search and experience of strong emotions, and i am not just talking love and harmony. i am talking trepidation, terror, awe, the full experience. i dont want to become enlightened i want to be "situated neither in choice of subject nor exact truth, but in the way of feeling." [charles baudelaire] i choose not to ignore anna nicole smith or zeitgeist 2, a movie about stupidity, but bring them into the bigger picture. i guess when i was 15 and feel in love with sandro botticelli it was the closest to a realistic artistic statement i have ever made.
so now i retract my hand, i dont want 'more', all i want is to play. can i come in? i find myself no longer a slave to emotions, a sad 90's mouse or an over indulgent 2001 adventure seeker. i just want to see what you are doing. i want to be part of the fun. my romanticism is imagination and irrationality combined to make something beautiful, and that has always been my belief. every experience is fleeting and subject to interpretation, but beauty; beauty remains. and as i run my fingers through the feathers of this new thought i see blue. because this new experience is fantastic already. between you and me i am feeling fine.
